Poetica Magazine


Reflections of Jewish Thought

 

currently consideration Holocaust material
new works will be published June 2010



Holocaust Edition

"The Boy at the Railway Station" by Shoshannah Brombacher

 

 

CHAOS
  
Mel Waldman

At night, I travel on a dark journey to a mysterious place
called
Chaos.

Alone, on an ancient train rushing to the other side of the
universe,
I sit inside a tomb of ice and fire

&

struggle to survive, trapped and enclosed in this eerie
smothering space,
where the raw chill of evil bites my face.

Like a captured beast in a cage, I’m a human specimen
on exhibit
in this miniature, moving zoo (for they are watching me),

a frozen cattle car galloping across time and space to
Chaos.

But why? Why are they taking me away today? I’m an
innocent man.
Why must I die?

Hunched over in a dark corner, my feverish body shakes
and shivers. I taste the miasma and gasp for air. And I
inhale

a deep fear that assaults and covers me in the windswept
snowstorm
of despair and terror.

Still, I pray to my nameless G-d, Hashem, (The Name)
as I’m
buried alive.
With my faith, I may survive this dark journey
&
all that waits for me in Chaos,

a dark dimension of many horrific places,
especially one in particular…
a place of ice and fire
called

Auschwitz

 

Dr. Mel Waldman, a psychologist, is also a poet and writer whose stories have appeared in dozens of magazines including HARDBOILED DETECTIVE, ESPIONAGE, THE SAINT, and AUDIENCE. He is a past winner of the literary GRADIVA AWARD in Psychoanalysis and was nominated for a PUSHCART PRIZE in literature.  He is the author of 11 books.

 

01/15/10



My Holocaust Poem

 Barbara Hantman

                                     
 
(for Yom Hashoah)

 

 

You must picture forever in the archives

Row upon row of lovely tortoise-shell hair combs,

Mahogany violins and curvaceous cellos,

Gold and silver wire-rim eyeglasses:

Emblems of the futile Aryan attempt to strangle Semitic ways.

 

May the Jewish genie stay out of the bottle for an eternity:

Divine monitor of all that is unkind,

White-winged safeguard that roosts and flutters

Over all humanity.

 

 

Barbara Hantman has been an inner city secondary English teacher, and is currently enjoying her roles as “per diem”  

substitute teacher and Fresh Meadows Poets’ Corresponding Secretary. She has published four verse volumes with Edwin

Mellen Press, and CLOUD-BEAM MEDLEY and CALL OF ABRAHAM’S KIN with Xlibris. The latter two volumes have

a smattering of Spanish and Hebrew bilingual poetry.                    

 

01/13/2010



Babi Yar

Babi Yar is a place on the outskirts of Kiev where more than 100,000 people were machine gunned to death in a deep ravine by occupying German forces from 1941 to 1943. Of these souls, 33,771 Jews were murdered in the two-day period September 29-30, 1941. The ravine became a burial place for Jews, Russians, Ukrainians, Hungarians, Czechs, Gypsies, prisoners of war, patriots, mentally handicapped and ill people. The Nazis did not even spare children, old people, pregnant women. Many were shot and buried alive. When the Russian army eventually reclaimed Kiev two years later,  German forces did their best to unearth the tens of thousands of rotting corpses and incinerate them, in an attempt to destroy any evidence of their crimes. The fires were so great, the light could be seen from downtown Kiev.

 

before we lay down together
under gray autumnal skies
we grasp for loving hands
tendons braced with fear

at the random intersection of
Melnikova and Dokhturova streets
we queue for non-existent trains

shed our clothes like hope
before faceless clipboards
and counting machines
our cold feet wet with dew

a boy-faced, Waffen-SS guard
sporting black Mauser pistol
and blood-stained baton, smiles
then strikes dancing children

shivering, we gaze beyond
the steep, wooded ravine
and unreconciled hatred
of exhausted MG 34s

to the turquoise Dnieper
wrapping a caressing arm
around Podil's shanty rooftops
and our fractured innocence

while Andreevskaya's golden domes
spin heavenward, ambivalent
to Juden seeking protection

*****

I stand in Babi Yar
scraped clean and manicured

menorahs and microwave towers
mark forgotten bones and anger
a hidden intersection, now a metro stop
daily living replaces daily dying

a cold wind grips my hand
I turn and face the winter twilight

a statue of Babi Yar children
cheated of life, frozen in bronze
broken-necked dolls, uplifted arms
quieted by horror, bereft of love

they seek to reconcile
that mechanical, smokey day

perhaps it is simple:
hatred is easy, love is difficult

 

Randy W. Hurst is a Canadian poet and author. An award-winning writer, he has been published widely in various poetry print publications and poetry web sites in the United States, Canada and the United Kingdom.

 

01/13/2010





THE MOTHERTREE
for Blume Katz

Prostrated
before the tree
in the middle
of the cemetery,
she prayed
for her mother,
buried somewhere
in that mass grave:
for her
and so many
other murdered
mothers & fathers, 
sisters & brothers
grandparents, 
there in the middle of
Svintsyán, Lithuania,
lost shtetl
in the middle
of Eastern Europe
where Jews
bought & sold,
cooked & ate,
studied & prayed
worked & dreamed.
Once.

Mama, where are you?
All those long years
alone,
far away in cold,
oh so cold, Siberia,
each night I spoke
with you
in my sleep.
You were just a dream.
Now--at last--
after the Germans
with their brownshirts left,
and the Russians
with their redshirts also left,
I have returned,
I have awakened,
I am here--
but where are you?


Dear Tree,
                    Dear Mother,
Yisgadal v’yiskadash . . .



Stanley H. Barkan
is the editor/publisher of the Cross-Cultural Review Series of World Literature and Art, that has, to date, produced some 350 titles in 50 different languages. His own work has been published in 15 collections, several of them bilingual (Bulgarian, Italian, Polish, Russian, Sicilian).   He was the 1991 New York City’s Poetry Teacher of the Year (and the 1996 winner of the Poor Richard’s Award, “The Best of the Small Presses,", for “25 years of high quality publishing.”  "The Mothertree" was previously published in Blood to Remember: American Poets on the Holocaust,
edited by Charles Adés Fishman (Time Being books, 2007).

 

01/13/2010




 On Vera’s Pitch
                    T
erezín Childrens’ Art Collection
                         Vìra Löwyová 1931-1944 Auschwitz


Crayoned on coarse manila,
the grass is spring-lime,

and at the close end of the field      
a red ball hangs dead-center

above the goal.  The benches empty,
a swath of red shaded, behind each,

by Vera, stroking with a sideways
crayon.  Two officials standing

centerline feign interest
in the match, and even with all

players on the pitch, two in goal,
Vera’s team won’t stop the ball       

from hammering the back of the net. 
No mothers, no fathers cheering, only

the ambulance parked at the field’s
corner, emblazoned with a red cross,   

waiting to haul away the fallen.


Margaret von Steinen lives in Kalamazoo, Michigan, where she works for Western Michigan University’s Prague Summer Program. 
Her interest in the Holocaust began as a young teen reading survivor’s stories and biographies.  Her work in Prague to help 
run the program each July has allowed her to gain a greater understanding, in particular, of the history of Czech Jews during
the Holocaust. She finds the exhibit in the Terezín Ghetto Museum of the imprisoned children’s drawings, which were discovered 
buried in suitcases when the camp was liberated,to be a rich source of insight.                      

                                 

                              06/01/10                                                                                



  

My Father Tells Us About Leaving Vilnius
     by Lynn Lifshin

On the night we left Vilnius, I had to bring goats
next door in the moon. Since I was not the youngest, I
couldn’t wait pressed under a shawl of coarse cotton
close to Mama’s breast as she whispered "hurry" in Yiddish.

Her ankles were swollen from ten babies. Though she was
only thirty her waist was thick, her lank hair hung in
strings under the babushka she swore she would burn
in New York City. She dreamt others pointed and snickered
near the tenement, that a neighbor borrowed the only bowl
she brought that was her mother’s and broke it. That night
every move had to be secret. In rooms there was no heat in,
no one put on muddy shoes or talked. It was forbidden to leave,

a law we broke like the skin of ice on pails of milk. Years from
then a daughter would write that I didn’t have a word for
America yet, that night of a new moon. Mother pressed my
brother to her, warned everyone even the babies must not make
a sound. Frozen branches creaked. I shivered at men with
guns near straw roofs on fire. It took our old samovar, every
coin to bribe someone to take us to the train. "Pretend to be

sleeping," father whispered as the conductor moved near. Mother
stuffed cotton in the baby’s mouth. She held the mortar and
pestle wrapped in my quilt of feathers closer, told me I would
sleep in this soft blue in the years ahead. But that night I
was knocked sideways into ribs of the boat so sea sick I
couldn’t swallow the orange someone threw from an upstairs
bunk tho it was bright as sun and smelled of a new country I
could only imagine though never how my mother would become
a stranger to herself there, forget why we risked dogs and guns to come

 

Lyn Lifshin has published over 120 books including three books from Black Sparrow: Cold Comfort, Before it’s Light, Another Woman who Looks like Me. Recent books include The Licorice Daughter, Mirrors, Desire, 92 Rapple, Lost in the Fog, Persephone, Nutley Pond, Barbaro: Beyond Brokenness, Light at the End She has edited 4 anthologies and is the subject of a documentary film, LYN LIFSHIN: NOT MADE OF GLASS. Her web site is www.lynlifshin.com. forthcoming in 2010: KATRINA from Poetic Matrix Press

06/01/10



In the Presence of Absence
    
Nathan Richardson

 
I am a child of the Holocaust
Remnant of a generation lost
I am named for a cousin whose
Ashes fell like snow at Auschwitz
I have the voice of an uncle I do not know
He died in the ghetto of Kovno
 
I am a child of the Holocaust
Remnant of a generation lost
Slaughtered like buffalo in the plains
Shipped to reservations on the trains
I am the code talker who saved the same soldiers
Who once tried to silence our native tongues
 
I am a child of the Holocaust
Remnant of a generation lost
I recall the shackles and the ships
The pillories and the whips
Infants ripped from mother's knees
And fathers swung like fruit from trees
 
I am a child of the Holocaust
Remnant of a generation lost
My father's head to the machete
Mother's hands, my sister's sweet virginity
I'd rather our fate was by the gun
They chopped my feet for trying to run
 
We are children of the Holocaust
Remnants of a generations lost
Once only by hatred of color of face
Now by decease that knows no race
Victims of apathy we are incensed
By holocausts, past, present and future tense
 
 
 
Nathan M. Richardson is a poet, author and literary consultant.  As the founder of Spiritual Concepts Publishing, he writes and publishes his own poetry and prose as well as teaches workshops on a variety topics to children and adults.  "Paint Me a Poem", "The Oral Tradition of Poetry" and "The Business of Becoming a Self Published Author" are three of his most popular workshops. www.scpublishing.com
 

01/15/2010
              



    Deportation

Time has been good to us

For the nights on the Old Continent

Were forever

Even too long to pray.

Some wept, others made love,

One or two took their life for fear.

The days were merrier,

The hustle and bustle,

The feeble light

Through the old shutters

Reassured us and we felt safe

In our hiding places

Till the next knock on the door.

No heart beat was ever so fast

No silence so deep:

But it was still too early.

So we carried on, confident that

The Prophets were looking down on us.

Perhaps, they were,

But it wasn't enough.

The day of departure arrived.

 

Hurriedly, we left our hearts

With all our belongings,

For we knew nothing

Would be of use anymore.

Only our memories

Were secretly packed

To assure us sweet dreams

During our final journey.

  .                                                                                               

 

Wagons To Auschwitz


Pity

Was the only word

Our lips uttered

As we heard the wheels

Slowly pull out of the station.

Like cattle and pigs

We were heaped up

For assemble

And slaughter.

The young wept

The old prayed

And the smell was already strong.

Only mothers held 

Their little bundles tight

And sang sweet lullabies.

 

We all wondered

How long the trip

Would take

Even if we knew

Whatever time

Would be too short

To meet a deadline

Where bodies were due.


 

Olivia Arieti

U.S. citizen, high School English teacher lives in Italy with her family. Had some plays produced and published in theU.S.A. Her poem, Daily Trains, appeared in “Women In Judaism”, Toronto, June 2008 and “Through The Desert” in the Wanderlust Review, NYC, July 2009.

 

 

         06/01/10

 



 

Ruach of Celan
    
Fiona Lorrain

At dusk I stroll along River Seine,
at dusk I gather my prayers on you.

At dusk the dead soar on iron wings,
the living grope around a mutilated day.

My prayers at dusk isolate God,
you barely lived as His chosen people.

When the river and you joined spirits underground,
you splintered its karma with your anguish,

a survivor, when your brothers were ashes to ashes.
The wind was scorning, the wind was bleeding,

two vultures on your imprisoned mind,
they devoured its flesh till it turned depressed.

You breathed wordless in your lingua franca,
a German language read as sparse and terse.

The first line opens the wounds of a collective grief,
you looked at your trauma without sitting next to it.

No doubt, no guilt weighed on your soul
at dusk when you lunged through the sky.

I wish River Seine would ooze to Ukraine
and melt its snows, where German guns

slaughtered at dusk your gentle Mutter.
The Seine rinses blood, it sets ghosts wild.

Running river, gnawling waters,
widow of Death, widow of your fractured verses.

Say the world’s gone, the river spine breaks.
I wonder, does it carry you ?

 


Fiona Sze-Lorrain
(
www.fionasze.com) is also a musician and publishes poetry under her nom-de-plume, Greta Aart. Her recent works have been published or are forthcoming in Caesura, Ellipsis, Raven Chronicles, New Politics, etc. She writes in both English and French and is one of the editors of Cerise Press (www.cerisepress.com). Currently, she resides in Paris, France.

 

06/01/10

 



 

Evil
     by Ina Perlmuter

                                                                                                            

Led by a chauvinistic, self-appointed bastard
Egging his men he continued a barage of verbal abuse

Screaming “heil to the fuhrer”, to an untainted Germany

Finish the annihilation of all inferiors

Continue, continue you Jew like cowards

Don’t you see ‘worms’ still squirming

But his emotionless, frigid troops just stood.

Until, he raised his Lugar

And rapturously fired into them

And when the last bodies were carelessly kicked into the pit

And cries of pain and the putrescence of death was in the air

He raised his arm and with evil egomanical relish

Executed a resounding “heil hitler”

And leaving his own wounded to die

The gutless coward

Marched triumphantly into the woods

 

Ina G.Perlmuter, wife, mother, bubster, and developing poet. I do not let my dyslexia interfere with my ability to compose. My parents preached "success is never permanent and failure is never fatal but i'ts courage that counts"; I believe I have succeeded. My husband, children and grandchildren and friends have encouraged me in my writing journey.

 

06/01/10



Eva's Song [1]
   by Tova Zauderer

The orchestra assembles on the bleak pavement
Fifty-four somber women
Our faces lack all signs of life
I swallow long and hard,
Earnestly trying to prepare my throat
The sound of heavy boots stomping the pavement draws nearer
Each woman tenses as the Nazi approaches

Our captors requested words of song from us,
With our lyres playing joyous music,
“Sing for us from Zion’s song!”

The violin begins to sound
I hear my cue to join in vocally
How can we sing the song of G-d upon the alien’s soil?
Music stifles the screams of our brethren
Drowns the scratching sounds
The struggles for a last breath in this world

The sickening reality intoxicates me
Let my tongue adhere to my palate
My throat releases the same sweet sound
Yet it is disconnected from my body

A mother howls for her baby,
Seized from her quivering arms
The Nazi throws the child over heads
Of cramped naked figures
Terror emits from their wide desperate eyes
Then he slams the shower door shut.

The need to survive
Propels me to continue singing

Praiseworthy is He who repays you
In accordance with the manner that you treated us.
Praiseworthy is He who will clutch
And dash your infants against the rock.



[1] Conducted by Alma Rose, the women’s orchestra of Auschwitz-Birkenau, comprised of fifty-four women, played beside the gas chambers to keep the victims’ minds at ease and avoid hysteria and panic. Eva Steiner was a Jewish, Hungarian vocalist.

 

Tova Zauderer divides her time between New York and Los Angeles. She is currently a college student pursuing a degree in communications. The grandaughter of two Holocaust survivors, Tova has traveled to Poland and witnessed the ruins of the horrors of the Holocaust.

 

06/01/10



Shoshannah Brombacher


The Little Boy at the Railway Station


    Many years ago, when I attended college in Holland, I met a woman in a shul in the city The Hague. I will call her Hannah. She was nervous and hyperactive, her eyes flitted back and forth, and I was amazed to hear that she was a social worker with a good reputation.  
Hannah was in her forties, not tall, a bit heavy with a square face, but she was very domineering, and I remember her as huge, a towering mountain. 
As we got to know each other and walked home from shul together one day she told me her story for the first time. I would hear it many more times in the following years. 
  Hannah did not allow you to doubt any of her statements, or to interrupt her when she was talking. You could only ask polite questions. She preferred to talk to younger people, to college students like me. I will tell you her story as I remember it. I may have forgotten some details, but the main points are clear to me as if I heard them yesterday. 
 
    Hannah described her parents as Jewish refugees from Romania, who lived already in Holland when the Nazis invaded the country in May 1940. Hannah was born in The Hague several years earlier. Every time she mentioned her family she showed me a tiny crumpled, blurry black and white photo, which she always carried with her in her pocket: her father, her mother, she herself, her little brother, some other relatives. She kept telling about the Seders they celebrated before the war in The Hague by walking around the table, bundled up in their winter coats, carrying a heavy suitcase in their hands, to show how the Jews left Egypt a few millennia earlier, Jews who were refugees like them. Hannah’s parents were traditional Jews with exotic Romanian customs and beliefs, even superstitions, like putting strings of garlic near the door to protect them against evil spirits.
   
    After Holland was invaded by Germany it could no longer protect the Jews. The Germans arrested the family, and sent the parents and the brother to a concentration camp. Hannah, still a little girl, was hidden by righteous gentiles (how did she escape arrest? How did this family get her? Where was she hidden? She was always very vague about this). They saved her life. She still bore the last name of that family to honor them, instead of her Romanian surname. After the war was over her parents returned from the camps and retrieved her from the gentile family. The little brother never came back. 
    
    At this point in the story she always told how her brother, who was a pious Jewish boy of around 6 or 7 years old, took his small bicycle and went to the railway station called Den Haag Hollands Spoor, which was close to their house. He wanted to wait for moshiach!! Hannah, his older sister, teased him. She asked him:
”How do you know that moshiach will come by train? Maybe he arrives by boat at the port of Rotterdam, or he comes by car, or by airplane. Or he arrives at one of the other railway stations of The Hague! How do you know he comes to Hollands Spoor!? Will he really come today?“ 
But her brother was adamant. He went, and he waited a whole afternoon near the gate to the platforms, and then he went home again. He was convinced moshiach would come, maybe on another day? He visited that railway station frequently. It was the very same spot where the Nazis pushed him, his parents and many other Dutch Jews in trains which drove them to their horrible deaths! 
 
    The railway station Hollands Spoor still exists. It is actually quite beautiful with its 19th century stylish arches and wrought iron lampposts and ramps. Often, while waiting there for the train from The Hague to Leyden after academic lectures or after spending Shabbat in The Hague, I thought about Hannah’s story. One evening I even stood there with diamonds hidden under my clothes, which I promised to bring for somebody to another city. Who would suspect a ‘poor’ student had such a fortune on her? What had the people who were driven like cattle to this railway station decennia earlier hidden under their clothes? Photos? Money? A siddur? Were they found out? There are more questions than answers.
  
    I painted the story of the little boy after I heard it from Hannah as one of the very few holocaust stories I ever put on paper. The drawing I gave to Hannah. I could not keep it myself, of course. She cherished it. 
This drawing is the reason I write down this story after so many years. 

    Hannah’s family was completely traumatized after the war. The father used to sit at the window, motionless like a stone; he did not say a word. The mother had to run the family. She refused to tell much about he camps. They were worried, anxious, and overly protective. Then the father decided that he never wanted to be targeted and victimized again because he was a Jew, and he converted himself and his family to Catholicism. Not just pro forma, no, he went all the way, and he became a fanatic. He expected his family to be devout Catholics from then on. There were no Jews any more in his house! The mother did not like it, but she went along. Hannah was taken out of public school and put into the strictest Catholic nuns’ school the father could find. She had a hard time; the nuns did not understand or accept that she asked (too) many questions simply because she did not know what Christianity was about, and she could not understand many things. She was punished for giving the ‘wrong’ answers. She was punished for expressing doubt or being critical. She rebelled, but that did not help, and they punished her more. She was not a happy child. 
 
    When Hannah grew up she became a social worker, because she wanted to help other people. She also got herself a ‘nose job’, a cosmetic operation to make her face appear ‘less Jewish’. At that time, in the sixties, nobody in Holland got a nose operation except for victims of disfiguring (traffic) accidents or diseases. If people knew already what it was, they considered it ‘nonsense ideas for Hollywood movie stars’! But Hannah did not think like the average young woman, which she was not. She told people in shul openly about her operation and expected praise.
    
    She dated young men. One of them came from a South American country, I will call him Carlos, and he fell in love with her. She described him as really nice, but she did not love him. She pretended. To please her family she agreed when he asked her to marry him. Hannah told me that on the evening before the wedding she walked on the beach, and thought it was a bad decision she made, both for herself and for Carlos, but how could she get out of this now? It was too late! She felt cold inside like a stone! Dead!
She experienced the wedding like a puppet, she went through the motions. She did all that was expected from her. She went to the church, got a blessing from the priest, and placed her wedding bouquet at the feet of a Mary statue. This is a special custom among Catholic brides. She prayed to Mary for blessings and for children. 
 But the baby never came. Hannah’s husband wanted to be a father and he loved her, but when there were no children and he sensed that she did not love him, they started to fight, and in the end they broke up. Divorce is not possible according to the Roman Catholic rites, but they separated civilly anyway. 
  
    It was a bleak time for Hannah. She lived in a small apartment which she kept in poor condition, in a gray and unattractive neighborhood. She wanted to reinvent herself, but how? Hannah started reading about Judaism, the old religion of her parents who had both passed away by now. She knew she was Jewish, not Catholic, and she wanted to go back to her roots. That was not so easy; because of her weird and hysterical personality the people in the shul she went to were not always helpful, even wary. She studied Jewish books in a fanatical way, in the same way her father had studied Catholicism. Soon she became knowledgeable and considered herself an ‘expert’ in Jewish ritual. She organized Kiddush in her home on Shabbat mornings, preferably for people she could impress with the amount of food she offered, like college students. She delivered long and complicated divray Torah (Torah lectures), and woe to the person who seemed to doze off or who did not pay enough attention. Every Pesach she organized Seders in her apartment, but it was exhausting to attend them; she went on until really deep into the night and did not tolerate yawns or signs of fatigue from her guests. The preparations lasted for days, and she expected people to help her. She spent all her money on Shabbat and on Pesach. 
I recall an incident. One time I came to her Seder. Like many other people I attended out of rachmones (pity) and out of curiosity. A friend of mine became really tired, it was 3 AM. Her Hagadah fell to the floor. Sleepily she raked it towards her chair with her foot. She did not mean to be disrespectful; she was merely half-asleep. Hannah noticed it and this friend would not hear the end of it, Hannah yelled at her and ranted and raved and we were all afraid of her and her booming voice in the wee hours of the morning! Temperamental is not the right word for Hannah, explosive describes her better.
  
    Hannah had a cat, a black and white stray animal she had caught and taken in. She loved the cat, in her own way, but she did not understand how to take care of it. She felt connected to the stray ‘because they both had no family and no real home’. In daytime, when she went to work, she locked it in the bathroom. She gave the cat no toys or marbles to play with, no pillow. She screamed at it when she was frustrated. The cat loved me when I stroked it and talked to it; he obviously wasn’t petted too often. We bonded, but I could not convince Hannah she had to be gentle with this animal. Hannah had a hard life, she figured, so why would the cat have a better fate? I seriously considered letting the cat escape. That would inundate me in Hannah’s wrath, but it was worth it for the sake of the wretched animal. In the end I did not have to, however, because one day the lucky cat escaped Hannah’s apartment by itself. Hannah was furious that the ‘ungrateful animal’ left, and she was sad, too. The other people were relieved, but we could not let Hannah notice that, of course.

  Hannah grew in Jewish observance, and she decided she wanted to marry a Jewish man. The Dutch community is small, and she was not an easy candidate for a shidduch (a match or a date), so she started traveling to Antwerp in Belgium. We, the people from the shul in The Hague, all wished her luck. How would the Chassidic community in Belgium welcome her? They would find out soon enough how and what she was. To our surprise she came back after one of the many Shabbat weekends in Antwerp and announced triumphantly that she would be engaged to a widower with kids, a man who had a little handicap (it turned out to be more serious than that as we later learned) but a good character. Whether this engagement was true or not we never found out, but after a while we did not hear about it anymore; it might have been be one of her many fantasies?
    
    Over the years Hannah’s health suffered because of her combustible temper and her fanatic lifestyle, her self-imposed lack of sleep. She developed high blood pressure and diabetes. She did not take care of herself. She did not listen to medical advice. She did not accept help.

   During those years I was occupied with my study, and I came only sporadically to The Hague. Hannah was angry with lots of people, and I also presumably did something she did not like (everybody whom she knew did at one point), so I joined the large group of people who had fallen out of grace. She did not contact me anymore, and actually, that was not unwelcome given Hannah’s demanding character and the amount of work I had at that time. I moved, I traveled, and I heard less and less about her. Then I accepted a teaching position at the University in Berlin. Hannah would have been radically against that and would have screamed at me; I did not know whether she heard about it or not. A few years later I moved from Berlin to New York to join my husband. 
   My friends in Holland who knew Hannah only heard rumors about her; her health deteriorated. I was too busy with my new family and my art career in New York to care much, I did not think very often about Hannah. 
 
    Years passed. I visited my native country and went to The Hague. I ran into a woman who had known Hannah until a year or so before her death; I did not even know she had passed away. In the end Hannah had become a recluse. She had not managed her diabetes well and succumbed to the disease, she was not that old.
When I heard this I thought of Hannah’s brother with his bicycle at the railway station, waiting for moshiach. I thought of her parents who walked around the table during the Seder with a suitcase in their hand. I thought of the cat and of Hannah’s difficult life; how she burnt herself up with her fanatic ideas and behavior, her strange stories about her ‘nose job’, her trips to Antwerp and the weird engagement. 
    The woman who told me about Hannah’s passing looked at me, and added after a long pause: 
   “I haven’t told you everything! You are not going to believe this! After Hannah died, alone, the city officials and the hospital searched for relatives. They found them. Hannah’s family is a Dutch family, Catholics; they are not Jewish at all. They were never persecuted; they have no ties to Romania. That photo was a fake. They lost contact with Hannah years ago because of her mental illness, her strange fantasies. She hid from them. They did not know where she was, although she lived in the same (big) city. Hannah had no Romanian parents, she was not Jewish, and her siblings were alive and lived a common Dutch life in The Hague. Many other things she had told us probably were not true either; she had ’tricked’ us all!” 

  What can you answer to that? 
So the little brother at the railway station did not exist? I thought it over, and I say now: “Yes, he does exist!” He is the image of all the little pious Jewish boys who waited for moshiach, and who did not see moshiach come because they were squeezed in cattle trains and transported to the extermination camps. Those little boys did not come back, but the story is still here, and moshiach will come! That part is true. 

I hope Hannah is at peace now. She deserves it.



S