For many years I never wrote about Judaism. It was something in my background, surfacing a few days a year. About fifteen years ago, it leapt up and demanded a poem. “Abandoned Prayer,” (Poetica: July, 2008) about the difficulty of any sort of belief when one’s parent faults God for the Holocaust. The Jewish-themed poems are coming very slowly for me. I am aware that, when I write one, part of me is dealing with my gross ignorance of my own faith.

Faith, itself, remains powerfully oxymoronic to me. I experience faith more like a pronoun: everyone else uses “we”; I use “us.” the meaning is clear to me, but I often feel it like I’ve used the wrong word. This is not to say I feel like an outsider: I don’t. I am very strongly identified, and comfortable with my Jewish identity. Put it this way: I recently sent my rabbi a poem titled “In the Unbeliever’s Pew.” It’s about an imaginary row in the sanctuary where one can dress down, snooze through the sermon, and talk with friends. “You gotta figure God for an Atheist,” says one voice. “You gotta figure you for an idiot,” says his buddy. Oh, I long for a let-your-hair-down feeling in shul. What about a casual day? Maybe just a few times a year, daven in jeans?

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When I write something of Jewish content, it might be peripheral, as in “Swimming Lessons with the Rabbi,” or it can be a direct evocation, as in “Rashi Reads Numbers.” In every such instance, however, I fear that I’m showcasing my ignorance. I grew up with minimal Judaism. I grew up with a whole lot of identity, and even lived in Israel as a child. Thanks to my wife, our children are growing up as practicing Jews. We’re not force-feeding it to them. We just try to go to synagogue for more than just holidays. All this is straightforward to me compared with writing that deals with a Jewish topic.

Why is it so hard, or so infrequent for me? In part, it seems presumptuous or proselytizing, or attention-seeking. On the other hand, I don’t like the taste in my mouth when I write a Jewish poem: I feel like I’m kissing up to some authority, writing for an audience that inevitably knows more about the topic than I do. Imagine writing a poem in a foreign language that you don’t know very well. One can pull off metaphors and similies. But is it a good poem, or even a poem? The point is: just having certain emotions while writing does not assure a successful poem. In English I can see the poem qua poem. I can evaluate its poetics, and taste of it as poetry. When I write about Jewish themes, I sometimes feel like I’m only manipulating language and themes. Like a child who has heard grown-ups laugh after a certain phrase, and so uses that phrase because it signals “humor” in her mind. Still, I’ve managed to write a few poems that depend upon the fact of my being Jewish.

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I have a running discussion with one of my running buddies. She’s a spiritual person, in terms of the human spirit being entwined, somehow, with a super-human presence. I’m not a spiritual person, but she says I am. It’s not projection. I don’t argue with her about it. Oh, we talk about it a whole lot. We’re trafficking, here, in the realms of unverifiable truth. I think “spiritual” entails some measure of belief. She thinks it inheres in how one treats others. And when we get to that point, who am I to argue? This is especially true since, in my understanding, the covenant is evinced by how one behaves towards other people.

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This brings us back to the question of what makes a Jewish poem. It’s like saying someone is only an economist when he talks about money. Is a poem a Jewish poem because it’s written by a Jew? No: no more than a poem that references Judaism makes the poet Jewish. Writing for this venue has clarified some things for me: when I want to write a poem about something Jewish, I do so. I do so as a Jewish Poet. It’s not going to come easily or in an unconflicted way. In that sense, it will be true to my experience of my Jewish life. Nor would I have it any other way.

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Thanks for reading JWorld Cafe, the Poetica Magazine Blog

David A. Epstein, Ph.D., Guest Blogger

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David A. Epstein, Ph.D. works as a house-spouse and a carpenter. He is a member of the Brickwalk poetry group in Connecticut, and is a board member of The Hartford Friends and Enemies of Wallace Stevens. He has published poems in Poetica, Poetic Hours, The Lyric, Blue Collar Review, and Shofar. - Linda Pressman, Blog Editor