Why I write.

When I do, there are two conflicting outcomes: a feeling of achievement, and ‘what’s the point?’. Anyone can understand the satisfaction of channeling words to paper. The point is that I wonder who will bother to read what I’ve written, and just how important, how earth-shattering, is my particular brand of blather?

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This question has shut me down entirely for months at a time. If I can’t write like King David and King Solomon, then I won’t write at all – so there.

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I whine alone to myself for a long while until someone with a more realistic take on life says, “hey, you write very well – get on with it” (or some similar words).

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No one is King David. No one is me.

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I Scrub My Words

By Mindy Aber Barad

               I

I scrub my words

My knuckles bloodied

From re-writes

My knees scabbed

With synonyms

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Punctuation pours

down my forehead

as I perspire over

every paragraph

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dried skin

of extra syllables

ex-foliates

delete

erase

correct

               II

I polish words

The corners of consonance

Deep in the grooves of grammar

Each letter breaks off

Reflects light

As a prism

Complete phrases smile upon me

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Dark and gritty

Faded in the siege

Of months and dust

Words challenge me

To coax out

Their luster

               III

I pour thick words

Into my pressure cooker

The European way…

For an international flavor

I stir fry commas

Ceremonial nouns

Occasional verbs

Festive modifiers melt,

Simmer and steam

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Vivid virgules

Etched inside

Parentheses

An asterisk appears

As each delicious sentence

Floats to the surface.

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My husband’s famous line is: “You write great poetry, but I can’t eat it for dinner.”

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I hover along the border of modesty and pride, mostly off balance. I find that the ‘me’ of my work is really far less important than the impact. And, yes, there is an impact. Closet poets come to me and show me their work. Some accept my encouragement and the challenge to write, others seem satisfied with the compliment, and that they have participated in the bare endeavor of writing.

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In addition, I have a theory of an audience of one. This can be taken theologically, as my work can be construed as psalms, lamentations, prayers. This can also be construed commercially: at least the editor to whom I submit my work will have read it.

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Thank you for reading JWorld Café, the Poetica Magazine Blog

Mindy Aber Barad, Guest Blogger

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Mindy Aber Barad co-edits The Deronda Review. Her work has appeared in the Jewish Press and in Poetica, in which her award-winning poem, “The Land That Fills my Dreams” appeared in the July, 2007 edition. She has completed two poetry manuscripts and one and a half full-length novels, and has contributed to a wide variety of poetry publications. Her work can be seen at http://www.pointandcircumference.com/